Stop people pleasing (keep care, add boundaries)
Why people pleasing happens and how to set clear, kind limits.
Take the EQ test for boundariesWhy this works
People‑pleasing fades when you name your feelings and set small, clear limits that still show care.
Try these drills
Name it to tame it (30 seconds)
30 seconds- Notice the emotion in one word.
- Say quietly: 'I feel …'.
- Let the label lower the intensity by about 10 percent.
Outcome: Lower reactivity; more choice.
Mechanism: Putting a word to a feeling quiets the brain's alarm system, so the feeling feels smaller and you can choose better.
Micro‑boundary: care + limit + alternative
45 seconds- Start with care: 'I want to help.'
- Add a limit: 'I can't take this now.'
- Offer an alternative or time: 'Tomorrow at 2 p.m. or a link?'
Outcome: Protects your time and keeps trust.
Mechanism: Care keeps the relationship warm, a clear limit protects your time, and an option avoids friction—so 'no' still feels helpful.
Scripts
Care + limit + alternative
- you: I want to help, and I can't take this today. I can do 30 minutes tomorrow at 2 p.m., or share the checklist. What works?
Why this works: Leading with care keeps rapport. A clear limit prevents overwhelm. Offering an option keeps work moving.
What to measure
- fewer unwanted yeses
- faster no with alternative
- meeting overrun minutes
FAQ
Is this therapy?▼
No. This is work skill training, not medical advice.
How fast will I see change?▼
Many people notice a change within a week if they do one drill daily.
Do I need my manager's approval?▼
No. Start with your own skills. Teams can add it later.