Feedback That Lands

Why tough 1:1s feel scary (and why they go wrong)

New managers often dread tough 1:1 conversations — the moments when you need to address underperformance, set boundaries, or deliver feedback that could trigger defensiveness. The truth is, most of these conversations go wrong not because of what you say, but how you say it. Emotional intelligence is the difference between feedback that lands and feedback that creates fear or confusion.

Your job in a hard conversation

Your job is not to be 'nice' or to avoid tension. Your job is to lower panic, make the issue crystal clear, and keep the relationship intact so the person can actually act on the feedback. You can't do that if they feel attacked or humiliated. You can do that if they feel steady, understood, and guided.

The EQ structure for strong 1:1s

This guide gives you a clear framework for running emotionally intelligent 1:1s that lower anxiety, raise clarity, and build trust — even when the topic is difficult. You’ll learn to prepare using simple EQ drills like “label before argue” and “summarize before argue,” plus use a clean-apology script to repair tension when things go sideways.

• Label before argue: name the emotion in the room first ('I can tell this is frustrating') so the other person feels seen instead of attacked.
• Summarize before argue: repeat their view fairly before giving yours, so they don't feel railroaded.
• Clean apology: take ownership for where you made it harder — without excuses, without blaming them.

What you’ll be able to do after this

Whether you’re managing your first team or stepping into a new leadership role, these methods help you stay calm, open conversations effectively, deliver specific and fair feedback, and close with shared clarity.

Use this playbook before your next difficult conversation to turn tension into progress — and grow your confidence as a new manager.