Feedback that lands
Run 1:1s that lower fear and raise clarity.
Take the EQ test for new managersWhy this works
Clear structure and plain words reduce fear in 1:1s. People hear your message and act on it.
Try these drills
Name it to tame it (30 seconds)
30 seconds- Notice the emotion in one word.
- Say quietly: 'I feel …'.
- Let the label lower the intensity by about 10 percent.
Outcome: Lower reactivity; more choice.
Mechanism: Putting a word to a feeling quiets the brain's alarm system, so the feeling feels smaller and you can choose better.
Summarize before you argue
1 minute- State the other view in one clear line.
- Ask: 'Did I get that right?'
- Share your view and suggest the next step.
Outcome: Lowers heat and builds shared understanding.
Mechanism: When people feel understood, defensiveness drops. Then logic lands and you can reach agreement faster.
Scripts
Clean apology
- you: I missed the expectation and that affected your timeline. I will do X by end of day and add Y check. Anything else you need?
Why this works: Owning impact plus a concrete fix restores trust faster than excuses or vague promises.
What to measure
- fewer escalations
- time to agreement
- post meeting sentiment
FAQ
Will these scripts sound robotic?▼
They are templates. Use your own words. Simple beats clever.
What if the other person gets upset?▼
Return to a short summary, name the impact, and suggest the next step.